It's 1:00 am and I know I should restraing myself from writing a post at this time, after hours aspent revising project finance and playing pool on-line, but I was reflecting on...well, I don't even remember...The point is that I was reflecting on something, in english.
Yes, in english, with my limited vocabulary.
(It must have been a really deep and complex thinking).
Anyway, I don't know if someone else does it, but I happily waste hours everyday talking to myself, trying to explain to an imaginary person different topics, in english. This is supposed to be a sort of self training, in order to be ready for a real conversation about that subject. It's not helpfull, at all. Most of the times I'm confident, cool, calm, with the right word at the right time. Then real life interferes and my brilliant, inspiring speech turns into an emotional-driven mess.
It's a real pain not to be able to express yourself, it's pretty much like be a child in an adult's body, or a human adult in a turtle's body. It means starting from scratch, everything you have always took for granted, suddenly becomes rocket science. A dispute, for instance, is the worse thing that I can think of: no time to pick the best word, even less to organise a sentence, even less to find logical connections to support your point of view. Especially here in England, where shouting and moving your arms convulsively is considered inappropriate and unreasonable.
Am I justified if I declare my home country?
Not only difficulties with the verbal communication then, but also the body language must be domesticated.
The second semester is almost gone and I'm still struggling with the language, how will I deal with my first interviews? The problem is that people don't usually consider all the aspect of the human communication, made by gestures, expressions, subtle (I hope that is a real word) movements that can tell you much more about a person than words.
I'll come back on this topic in the future, but now (1:36) it would be a good idea going to sleep. Project finance is waiting for me tomorrow morning.
Good night!
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