Can you repeat please?

It's 1:00 am and I know I should restraing myself from writing a post at this time, after hours aspent revising project finance and playing pool on-line, but I was reflecting on...well, I don't even remember...The point is that I was reflecting on something, in english. 

Yes, in english, with my limited vocabulary. 

(It must have been a really deep and complex thinking).

Anyway, I don't know if someone else does it, but I happily waste hours everyday talking to myself, trying to explain to an imaginary person different topics, in english. This is supposed to be a sort of self training, in order to be ready for a real conversation about that subject. It's not helpfull, at all. Most of the times I'm confident, cool, calm, with the right word at the right time. Then real life interferes and my brilliant, inspiring speech turns into an emotional-driven mess. 

It's a real pain not to be able to express yourself, it's pretty much like be a child in an adult's body, or a human adult in a turtle's body. It means starting from scratch, everything you have always took for granted, suddenly becomes rocket science. A dispute, for instance, is the worse thing that I can think of: no time to pick the best word, even less to organise a sentence, even less to find logical connections to support your point of view. Especially here in England, where shouting and moving your arms convulsively is considered inappropriate and unreasonable. 

Am I justified if I declare my home country? 

Not only difficulties with the verbal communication then, but also the body language must be domesticated.

The second semester is almost gone and I'm still struggling with the language, how will I deal with my first interviews? The problem is that people don't usually consider all the aspect of the human communication, made by gestures, expressions, subtle (I hope that is a real word) movements that can tell you much more about a person than words.

I'll come back on this topic in the future, but now (1:36) it would be a good idea going to sleep. Project finance is waiting for me tomorrow morning.

Good night!

Sorry, just another boring blog

This blog is meant to be a diary about my journey that, hopefully and eventually, will bring me into the world of project management. Since the aim is not looking smart, professional and good to potential employers, I will follow my flow of thoughts, therefore I must apologise in advance for this imprecise written english.

The reason I am doing this? The second semester of my Master degree just started and only 6 months left before throwing myself out there, in the "City of London" jungle.

How I feel? A mix of panic and disillusionment.
Do I feel silly? Yes.
Do I feel out-of-place? Yes.
Do I think this blog is going to be a total failure, the umpteenth thing started and never concluded? Yes.

Despite all this elating negativity, I cannot stop perceiving myself as a little Ted Mosby, looking forward to find "the one" in this huge and messy city, where "the one" for me is a decent job. While I am writing, I cannot help myself hearing an unreal jingle, that one that in all the tv shows starts when the main character is approaching unconsciously the turning point of their lives. All right, I am not unconscious, but let's pretend that I am and let's see if I will be able to start organising my mental confusion just in time to avoid embarassing interviews in the months to go.

I want to thank my best friend, the one that inspires me and will support me throughout the creation of this masterpiece: WordReference.com.